One Last Chance
by bhut
Summary: Post S2 - Grant is done with S.H.I.E.L.D. and with redemption - or so he thinks. Life being what it is, he might've been given one last chance - and in the person of Melinda "Cavalry" May no less. If only he won't mess it up... (Some Philinda in the last chapter, too).
1. Chapter 1

**One Last Chance**

 _Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, but belong to Marvel™._

 **Ward**

Grant Ward is a miserable man. He had lost a very important part of himself, a part that he did not even know about, and it hurts. It hurts so very badly, for he is alive, and Kara Lynn is dead, and there is nothing that he can do about it, no one in particular that he can kill to make it better – to make Kara Lynn feel better, for she is gone, to make himself feel better, for the same reason.

It _hurts_ , and Grant Ward wants that pain to go away, to leave him numb in the heart, in the soul. He can do that only by killing someone else...but in all of the time that he had spent undercover in S.H.I.E.L.D. he had grown disenchanted with killing people in general, and he never understood the time-honored Hydra tradition for killing people for fun in particular. Grant Ward doesn't want to kill people, he wants...what? Revenge? Closure? He is not sure, and that just adds an insult to an injury for his mental state.

Regardless, he is also aware of the fact that the Cavalry is in town, and so far he had made sure that she is not aware of him. He had also studied her and her ex-husband the doctor from a distance, very discreetly, but quite professionally too, and what he finds, just adds-on to his ever-growing confusion: Melinda May, the Cavalry, does not appear to be too happy either.

Oh, sure, with her mastery of facial expressions, **cough** , she is able to fool the other people she had been in contact with, but Grant had studied her specifically, he can tell what she is feeling, and right now? Melinda May is definitely not at her best. Of course, in her case, 'not at her best' means that she could defeat only 15 out of 20 men before taking a breather and bringing down the rest of them, but for her? This is not typical.

Grant isn't stupid; he had come here, to West Coast, initially to kill her husband, (or ex-husband, or not so ex, for there had been talk made about renewals of vows, though less so recently), and he is still toying with this idea, but he has to admit to himself that that is just that – toying, for he personally doesn't really like the idea of killing the man, and not just because it would serve no specific purpose, and Grant doesn't like killing for fun. Yes, he had come here to make Melinda May suffer, sure enough, but she is _already_ suffering, so what is he to do? He could just leave, but that would be simply pathetic, so instead, he sticks to the remnants of his plan, and follows his ex-friend (and that hurts, for if he had chosen differently, they still would be friends, yet he couldn't betray Garrett, the man who had been his father in all but the name either), and observes her, and soon discovers something, or rather – somebody else.

More precisely, somebody else is tailing Melinda May – another woman, dressed professionally (but not in the usual meaning of the word – she is not a professional S.H.I.E.L.D. field agent, her regular day job is something else, yet she is trailing the Cavalry in the manner of S.H.I.E.L.D. rather than of anyone else), of an Afro-American descent rather than of Oriental, like Melinda May herself is; she is trailing the Cavalry, but doesn't appear to be too friendly disposed towards her.

Grant Ward was always a patient man, if not particularly smart. Ever since Kara Lynn died, however, he has been trying to become smarter (as she would have wanted him to be), and if there had been an occasion when some thinking is required, it is now. Rather than to confront either of the women directly, Grant goes to the nearest Internet cafe and logs into the S.H.I.E.L.D. website. It may sound easy, but it is because S.H.I.E.L.D.'s website is a joke, as far as websites are concerned; Grant may have been ousted as an agent of Hydra in real life, but in the web? He is still part of S.H.I.E.L.D. – he does not know whether to laugh or to cry whenever he goes online there.

In this particular instance, though, Grant neither laughs nor cries, but rather does something he did not do too often – research. He goes into the Index, and seeks the woman there first...and sure enough, he finds here there, too.

This is when things get interesting.

 **May**

Melinda cannot sleep. Well, no, technically she _can_ , but she does not want to – not this time, and not because of the nightmares.

Her nightmares are something else – not exactly nightmares, but bad dreams, during which she is old, infirm, stupid, wandering aimlessly through empty halls – perhaps of the Hub, or the Playground, or some abandoned dilapidated building, like some senile old witch, useless and discarded by everyone.

Melinda hates the idea of being abandoned – this sort of thing _had_ happened to her, 7 years ago, and she has never fully recovered from it. The memory of killing that child, the memory of being relegated to an empty office – it doesn't quite hurt, not literally, but on some level? Yes it does. And her current situation aggravates this feeling of abandonment and uselessness even more.

Oh, sure, Andrew loves her, he cares for her, but somehow this had made it even worse, ever since the beginning. Andrew was always a smart, intelligent man, and Melinda always did feel slightly stupid next to him. Oh, sure, he was not as brilliant as Fitz and Simmons were, but he certainly was closer to them than Melinda was, and whenever she was with him, it...mattered. Oh sure, it was petty and unworthy of the great Cavalry, but it still was so. Whenever she was around Andrew, they just did not...click. The fact that Andrew was often – even now – involved in some scientific process or other did not help matters either.

Oh, true, Andrew did offer Melinda to be a part of it, but somehow, despite all of his words, Melinda felt that her part in this case would be of a secretary, or an office assistant, or something. She did not like that idea, and not just because of her professional pride as a high-ranking S.H.I.E.L.D. agent – she just did not. Hence – she was not involved. Hence – she was often alone at night, alone, save for her nightmares.

Tonight, however, nightmares did not come – perhaps because she was not sleeping. What had come, instead, was an email message via the official S.H.I.E.L.D. email with information about a certain person (actually, a certain woman, if one was to be honest) – official S.H.I.E.L.D. information with a very straightforward subject – _Do you know her?_

Melinda May does. She also knows (within a reasonable margin for error) who had sent her the email, but she has to admit, that her less than top-notch condition, she would rather tackle the smaller, softer problem first.

Agent Alexandra? Here comes Cavalry.

/

On one hand, Andrew's office building is closed at night, what with the security guards and all. (Melinda finds it adorable). On the other – she does have a visitor's pass, so she could just call Andrew up to come down. On the third – she does not really want to involve more people than who already are involved in it, so in, unofficially, she goes.

Both Andrew and Alexandra are in their office, working. Or, rather, 'working', as the atmosphere is visibly tense between them (it was always tense, but Melinda has to admit to herself that she had misjudged the level of tension between the two of them by quite a lot), but tonight? The tension between them is so tense that it can snap at any moment...and Melinda is honestly unsure what she wants to do with this.

"Melinda!" To Andrew's credit he is surprised only for a few brief moments. "What a surprise! What are you doing here?"

"Andrew," Melinda nods towards him, before facing the other woman with the evidence. "Is that you, doc?"

To Alexandra's credit, she does not back down, but sits there, as tall and proud as the first time Melinda has seen her. She _is_ good, but not _that_ good, and Melinda sees the flash of fear in her eyes. She is both elated for it and disgusted with herself for this elation.

"...Yes, it is," the other S.H.I.E.L.D. agent (and yes, Alexandra is an S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, and one with special skills too) admits. "What of it?"

"Did you honestly give me nightmares for the last few weeks or were they natural?" Melinda inquires of the other woman, feeling more like her old self for the first time since she left Coulson and Skye and the others behind. "This is your specialty as an Inhuman agent, are they not?"

Alexandra says nothing. Andrew, however, is genuinely indignant on Melinda's behalf. "Alexandra! How could you-"

"Andrew," Melinda interrupts him, for him and Alexandra having their confrontation over her was not why she was here. "Can you please tell me as to what about you're working here with her? Is it for S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"Yes," Andrew nods, confused. "Didn't you know?.. Phil told me that it was a part of the Theta protocol; I assumed that you were in the loop, just opted to sit this one out, since it is more scientific than field action at this point-"

"What's it about?" Melinda shoots out, before adding "please," like an afterthought. "Andrew?"

Confused now, Andrew explains. The Theta protocol is surprisingly clear-cut and simple, nothing too dubious or vague about it in Melinda's opinion..., which makes her being cut out of the loop only more embarrassing – the Cavalry does not get cut out of the loop, especially when it includes S.H.I.E.L.D. ...but coming here was the point, to get away from S.H.I.E.L.D., and Phil Coulson...and it didn't work. S.H.I.E.L.D. still followed, leaving Melinda in a fool's paradise, and perhaps not even that.

"Melinda?" Andrew spoke up, aware that she was keeping quiet for a long time.

"I'm sorry, I need to think this over," Melinda shook her head and withdrew. Behind her, she could hear Alexandra make some snide remark – again, Andrew countered it, and the two began to squabble. Melinda did not care – she really did need to think. She was not backed into a corner, she did have options, but so far none really appealed to her. She could stay with Andrew – between his own magnanimous and generous nature, and Alexandra's insecurities, Melinda suspected that whatever Alexandra had with her ex-husband was almost over, especially if Melinda stayed here, in the west, with Andrew – and S.H.I.E.L.D., either pretending that it didn't exist and she was just a spoilt doctor's wife, or still being a part of it, save that in this case she'd be subordinate to Andrew, not to Phil Coulson, which was still the same old thing, just in a different package, and not a necessarily better one...

Or she could go back to Coulson and try to mend fences with him. It too could be done, and done easily; Melinda, after all, was loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D., but after some of the more recent events – centered on that damned Theta protocol – she really did not want to talk to Coulson, not for real, not as they have done earlier this year, when he was still under influence of that alien goop. Back then, they had something special, something that was gone now, and if Melinda wanted to be in S.H.I.E.L.D., she should really stick with Andrew...even though this would be still the same old thing, just in a different package, and not a necessarily better one...

Annoyed at her life and her indecisiveness, Melinda slapped her leg, and her slap came against something hard – her cell phone from which the original SMS came.

Melinda thought some more. Grant Ward was a Hydra double agent who had made a fool out of her and the others, who almost killed Simmons and came even closer with Fitz, and who deserved die, simple and easy. He also had sent her the information about agent Alexandra and...gave her freedom to choose what to do next, for she seriously doubted that he expected her to gun the other woman in a fit of jealous rage...

Almost despite herself, Melinda sent an SMS to his own phone – _we need to talk_.

 _Why_ , came the reply few minutes later.

 _Because_ , Melinda snapped in writing before facepalming – yes, this will establish contact, yes indeed.

 _Very well_ , came another reply in a few more minutes, followed by a brief address.

Despite all that was rational in her life, despite her common sense and the other instincts, Melinda May got up and left, leaving Andrew behind with Alexandra.

/

 **Ward**

It is dark out, for it is late, even though it is early summer now, and nights come late and leave early and are brief. It is a time for the sun – but Grant Ward seems to thrive in darkness, does he not? He tried to seek out the sun – and failed, causing a lot of misery behind. He tried again, with Kara Lynn – and failed even worse.

"Ward," Melinda 'Cavalry' May appears out of the darkness, and he can see that she has largely recovered from whatever that had bothered her earlier today. "Why?"

"Because," Grant shrugs, then catches the woman's eye and decides to elaborate. "Look. I will be honest. I came here because you were closer, because I am miserable, you are happy, and I wanted you to be miserable too. I wanted to kill your ex-husband or whatever his social status is in your life. But I didn't."

"Should I be grateful?" Melinda asks archly, but Grant plows on.

"I didn't not because of your gratitude, agent May, but because Kara Lynn wouldn't want me too – two wrongs don't make a right, you know? If only I listened to her..." he trails away. "And also because you're not happy. You are miserable here. Why?"

For the first time since he met her, Melinda looks slightly unsure of how to proceed, before making a choice: she sits down next to him and offers a smoke. Grant declines. Melinda does not take one herself, but speaks up instead:

"What do you know about the Theta protocol?"

"Little," Grant admits. "I still have sources in S.H.I.E.L.D., but none of them are close to Coulson at the moment. Ever since S.H.I.E.L.D. is back in the good graces of the rest of the world, it is trying to change its stance on the people with special skills – the Inhumans – and to change the public opinion in general. So what?"

Melinda pauses, before making a plunge. "Phil didn't trust me with this information, for I had chosen Gonzales over him-"

"Then shouldn't you be talking about it with Morse," Grant jabs with his finger in one direction (Melinda glances there, and sees some people, including Bobbi Morse and Lance Hunter, who are trying to remain unnoticed by Grant Ward – yes, good luck with that, people), "or perhaps with agent Alexandra and _her_ SO, Angelina Brand? They are good people, loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D.-"

"So am I," Melinda interrupts him. "I am loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. and to Coulson, yet Coulson, it seems, isn't loyal to me, and loyalty is a two-way street...something you never understood, apparently..."

"John...Garrett...he was a father to me in so many ways," Grant speaks up. "I thought about leaving him, for he was falling apart, but it would be wrong. I thought about it a lot, about trying to rejoin S.H.I.E.L.D., but it would not work, would it? S.H.I.E.L.D. – the one I knew, the one that Garrett got me in – it does not exist anymore, does it? You asked me before – why? I answered it, but in truth? I have no answer – I am rather lost now."

"And them?" Melinda asked quietly, jabbing her finger in the direction of Grant's 'entourage'. (Seriously, Morse and Hunter tried to follow Grant – it did not work, and still does not.)

"Something else," Grant shook his head. "It's not that I don't have options, it's something else." A pause. "What about you? Why are you here, right now? You should be somewhere else."

"Yes," Melinda nods. "I should be mending fences with Andrew, or perhaps with Philip, for I am loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. and so are they, after all." She does not sound very happy and makes no effort to get up, however. "Why did you call me? This wasn't your fight."

"You looked miserable – by your standards," Grant shakes his head. "Am there, doing that."

"You have no motive, no plan?"

"Plan... My last plan had me and Kara Lynn take Bobbi somewhere private, she and Bobbi would talk, Bobbi would apologize, Kara Lynn would forgive, the two of them would mend fences, we would return, and negotiate with Coulson something similar to what he has offered, but without T.A.H.I.T.I. – rather with a handler. This had been done before, you know, and both Kara and I _were_ willing to cooperate." A pause. "Instead, Kara Lynn is dead, I feel that S.H.I.E.L.D. is free to fuck-off however it likes, and Morse is blonde enough to assume that she can work as carrot for Hunter's stick."

"...I'm missing something, am I not?" Melinda finally speaks, clearly reluctant and unhappy to share this revelation with Grant.

"Yes," Grant finally replies, before slipping a small note into her purse. (Yes, she is currently carrying a purse – considering just _who_ she is, the effect is surreal.) "Look, let's assume that I've done you a favor. So, in reply, could you take some time in the future and visit Kara's grave? Could you, maybe, apologize for ruining her face and abandoning her, after Whitehall had her brainwashed? It is a small thing, maybe pointless by now, but if she was alive, she would appreciate the gesture. Just – maybe, some time in the future..."

"Why not now?" Melinda suddenly stands up, throwing Grant off the mental balance yet again:

" _Now_?"

"Yes – I'm guessing that you have a car or a motorcycle or something somewhere nearby, a means to get us to Kara Lynn's cemetery, so I could apologize to her as soon as possible."

Grant shoots Melinda a dark look, and though the latter is the Cavalry, she also takes a step back, for this is a _very_ sore point for Grant – and it shows.

"Look," the Asian woman says quickly. "It's my turn to speak – I am on a voyage of self-discovery, so to speak. I came to Andrew – and I have discovered something unexpected, about him and about myself. I cannot say that I care about Kara Lynn as you did; I cannot say that if things were otherwise the two of us were friends, but I can apologize to her, if that is what you want. Maybe I will discover something new about myself there – and maybe you will too. Does that work for you?"

Grant nods, not trusting his voice. "...Yes," he finally speaks, very subdued and quietly. "Follow me..."

A short time later a large, metallic grey car vanishes into the night...

 _TBC_


	2. Chapter 2

**Part II**

 _Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, but belong to Marvel™._

 **May**

Melinda May is not used to being off balance, even by her teammates – or by her ex-teammates for that matter. Normally, when she goes into something, she always has a back-up plan – and when she did not, it had been Bahrain... Yet now, once more, she does not.

Melinda May doesn't want to admit to herself, (not to mention to others), but a large part of it, of this bizarre and pointless decision, is...boredom, if not despair (or a mid-life crisis – that she doesn't even want to think about; if this _is_ a mid-life crisis, then she should just retire from S.H.I.E.L.D., complete with a memory wipe to make herself normal), regarding her choices.

Melinda May is not Ward, she _does_ have choices, but in the last few weeks she has grown rather dissatisfied with them. She can go back to Coulson; she can go back to Andrew; but regardless, she will always come back to S.H.I.E.L.D.

For a long time, now, this was never a problem; S.H.I.E.L.D. is not Hydra; it does not coerce its potential agents/employees/assets – it seeks them out, it seeks out those people who are naturally predisposed to working with it, (for the side of goodness, of course), and generally tests them to see if they're the right material to be working for them, as Coulson (and the others) did with Skye. If it works then it is welcome aboard; if it does not, then good-bye – at least for the official membership in S.H.I.E.L.D. part.

...True, there are variables; Tony Stark, for example, still doesn't like S.H.I.E.L.D. very much, and to imply to him that he is a part of it, is to set off a very nasty, and unpredictable, chain reaction, so neither his people nor S.H.I.E.L.D. say it – but to an extent, this axiom is still true.

...And of course, sometimes the process just does not work, or misfires, or...whatever you call it – it is still a disaster; Grant Ward is a prime example of just such a failed attempt. (Dr. Hall, and his Gravitonium, almost became another one, an even worse one, and not even Coulson is certain just how he was able to derail it for good.)

Plus, an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. can always retire and get debriefed – at least in theory (again). In practice, S.H.I.E.L.D. tends to try to utilize even those retired agents, no matter how subtly or directly (depending on an agent). No matter how much distance one tries to put between them and S.H.I.E.L.D., one tends to find themselves working for S.H.I.E.L.D. all the same...just because. Case in point – the aforementioned Grant Ward who _still_ got recruited by Coulson in order to help S.H.I.E.L.D. rescue the world and Skye. That actually worked – but only to a point, as Grant himself, Bobbi Morse, and the late Kara Lynn Palomas can testify. Some people should be best left alone...

So why is she cooperating with Grant Ward now? Because of the same reason and motivation, really. She is not Grant, she is loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D., but she could take a breather from it all the same. Between Phil not telling her about the Theta protocol and Skye – apparently – learning altogether too well from both her and Coulson about what it means to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, Melinda can take a break from the organization and have some time of her own...only it didn't work out as planned. Andrew too has become involved in S.H.I.E.L.D. (more intently than before, thanks to Coulson once more), and now Melinda has to chose if she's going to go back to wherever she has started in S.H.I.E.L.D. or just stay on its periphery like some sulking petulant child.

Right now? Melinda does not like either option and is off driving with a Hydra agent (or an ex-Hydra agent?) just for the Hell of it, just because it is not in her story. Her story is that of a dutiful S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, who did everything that was required of her, and was rewarded with...what?

Melinda had never worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. for a reward. She had never needed a reward, but now, living back with Andrew, has felt sort of like one, and this realization is giving her a feeling that is almost...painful, physically so, and while she doesn't like to back down, right now? She likes the idea of having more space around her, more space to maneuver in – hence her impromptu trip with Grant Ward to another woman's grave.

...Melinda May has stopped caring for Grant Ward as a fellow S.H.I.E.L.D. agent a long time ago, but neither she has ever denied that it takes _two_ sides to tango. Grant has earned his bullet in the head a long time ago... but was denied it. He wasn't given a proper second chance either (not that he earned it), but instead was left in a dark Vault, festering the rest of the team with bad black blood until, well, now, when any dreams of a new, better and different S.H.I.E.L.D. are gone, and they're back in a morass of secrets and secret plots.

"We're here," Ward said suddenly, as their vehicle had stopped at last at a cemetery. "Follow me."

/

The grave of Kara Lynn Palomas is small and simple; private even. A fenced patch of greenery over her coffin; a small tombstone with her photo and dates of birth and death (she is only a couple of years older than Skye currently is); a pair of stone vases with flowers in it – there is nothing fancy or showy or ostentatious about it whatsoever.

...By S.H.I.E.L.D. agents' standards, many of whom die abroad and cannot be recovered (or are recovered in pieces, as Antoine Tripplet had been), this is something truly impressive and remarkable, and a sign of _genuine_ affection – something that Melinda herself had not had enough in her life, not since Bahrain. This settles her mind for her: she slowly leans forwards towards the tombstone and begins to speak:

"Hello, Kara Lynn. Sorry that we did not get to speak earlier – I guess we just did not click. Now, you listen, and listen carefully – both of you. I am not sorry for going for your face, for back then, you were doing your best to kill me, and frankly, it was either you or me, so there is nothing for me to be sorry about – if back then _you_ had killed _me_ , then you would not be sorry either... What I _am_ sorry about is leaving you behind, even after Whitehall was dead and gone. S.H.I.E.L.D. is not supposed to be that way; you should not have been left in the dark, on your own, with just _Grant Ward_ for company. It is not so surprised that you have died, given your company, yet it is because of _us_ that you had no one else and for that I am honestly sorry – for failing to be a fellow agent to you. We probably would not ever been friends, but there are other bonds besides friendship, you know?" A pause. "I don't know if we'll ever speak again, so I just want to wish you good luck in your journey – may your next life be better, _much better_ than this one. Good luck and good speed."

Another pause and Melinda turns to face her companion. "What?" she says archly, trying to provoke a reaction, for the man's face is stony and unreadable. "I had no intention of lying or of coddling the truth, not after experiencing how it felt firsthand. If you don't like it-"

"That's not the point," Grant shakes his head, his face still a stony mask. "I am actually impressed and touched... no, these aren't the right words, I'm sorry." He takes a pause of his own, before trying again. "Look, you have been honest with me, you have been honest with Kara Lynn and for that – I am grateful. I am also...regretful, even more than before, that I have fucked-up the good thing that I had with the team, but there is something else that I must tell you before I leave, for you have been honest with us, so I shall be honest with you." He reaches down and grabs Melinda by the shoulders; his grip is something else, so that not even the Cavalry can break free easily, not right away, and that gives Grant enough time to whisper into her ear:

"You're free to do whatever you choose, _Black Mantis_."

And then he is gone, and Melinda is left there, standing stunned, as everything in her life changes in an instant once more.

"...So, the leopard cannot change his spot, the dog always comes back to his vomit, and our favorite Hydra psycho is back to his old tricks, albeit with an even more morbid twist," Bobbi Morse comments as she joins Melinda at Kara Lynn's tomb. "Don't worry, Hunter and the others are wrapping Ward even as we speak, not that you were ever worried, of course-"

Bobbi does not finish, for Melinda, who never liked her anyways, and whose mental state is currently whirring away like crazy, whirls around and punches her straight on. Bobbi is tough and in a great physical shape, but Melinda is just a bit better, so Bobbi goes down like a sack of potatoes, and Melinda goes in search of Grant Ward like a shark following a blood trail...

/

 **Ward**

Lately, Grant Ward is quite sure that there is some sort of a strange symbiosis between Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D., and not just because the two organizations appear to have rather appropriated each other's slogans (seriously, when an evil organization is trying to come out into the light, there is just something strange with the world), but also because the two appear to be sharing rank-and-file minions (at the very least, though the higher-up agents are a different story): he feels as if he had fought those foot soldiers before, either for Hydra or for S.H.I.E.L.D., and that just isn't right. Yes, maybe he _is_ going insane, but his opponents are using tactics that are the same or almost the same compared to the last group of such foes that he had fought, and that just is not right. Or normal-

Grant's mental process derails and stops as Melinda May emerges from the darkness, and goes straight for him, with a look that is seven shades of pissed-off – a rarity for the Cavalry (so to say), but right now? Melinda May is not quite the Cavalry she once had thought she was...

"Why," she growls, even as she slams into Grant and grabs him _below the belt_ , "you haven't said the magic words sooner? On the Bus?"

"Melinda," Grant is struggling to stand still – after all, she has his sack in her grip and could rip it off easily, for she was the one who taught him how to do it in the first place. "Why would I have done that? What would have changed?"

"If you have said the magic words," Melinda 'the Cavalry' May twitches, as the other aspects of her personality, deactivated a while ago, come back to life, inflating her personality in all sorts of ways, period. "If you have said the magic words, _partner_ , I would have helped you bring Coulson down-" she paused, as the realization of who she _was_ , of whom she had almost become, when Garrett and Whitehall had seen the opportunity all those years ago between now and Bahrain, has finally hit home. Yes, as far as personalities went, Black Mantis was much more fun than both Melinda May and the Cavalry combined, but she was also Hydra, so her idea of fun was definitely beyond the NC-21 level of anything.

Want an example? Look at her now, gently (for the moment) kneading Grant below the waist, in an absent-minded manner, something that no normal person (or even a regular S.H.I.E.L.D. agent) would do to anyone.

"Look," Grant takes a deep breath and continues gamely. "By the time I got onto the Bus, John was already falling apart mentally, and had forgotten all about you; and you're in love with Coulson-"

"Correction, I was in love with Phil Coulson," Melinda grimaced, causing Grant to feel even more nervous than before, not with her grip being where it was. "He, when it came to me, never was..." her grip grows slack, her facial expression – actually wistful, and Grant begins to relax and to move away, in order to get himself some distance for manoeuvres.

"What did I miss?" asks Bobbi Morse, as she appears on the scene, before making a beeline for Lance. "You! You killed him!"

"No I didn't," Grant shot back – just in time.

"Oh?"

 **Morse**

"No I didn't," Grant shouts back. "Check out his pulse, he's still alive, just paralyzed!"

Bobbi, (shadowed by Melinda), does just that – and yes, there is a pulse, steady and regular enough: Lance _is_ alive, just-

"Paralyzed?" she turns to the looming ex-agent. "What? Why? How?"

"I'm done with killing,' Grant shakes his head. "I may be a perfect killer, but that is not enough, that is not right. Kara Lynn was not a perfect killer, but she was a better person and agent than _I_ was. So, I'm trying to change."

"By paralyzing people?"

"Your Asshat husband thought that if I could listen to him placidly while drunk, I would listen to him placidly while sober. He was wrong. He'll be paralyzed for the next week, but otherwise...he's fine."

"And to think that we were going to offer you a job," Bobbi says bitterly, "while all you want is to go around killing..." she pauses, as she realizes what Grant had said and what she is actually feeling – her ex-husband's (or not so ex-husband's) pulse. "Oh, you have not killed Lance and the others. Um. Can we rewind back a bit?"

"Oh my, yes," Melinda May, possibly the least favorite female S.H.I.E.L.D. agent of Morse, joins the conversation. "What's that about a job?"

Bobbi gives the other woman a look – Melinda's mid-life crisis may be forcing her to act out of character, but the punch? That was unnecessary and had crossed some sort of a line, of that the blonde woman is certain.

"Look," she turns to Ward, ignoring May. "Here's the thing. You are a douche bag who kidnaps people, tends to kill them and the like, but regardless? You have been dealt a worse hand. Coulson and his bunch of emotional morons have not treated you like an asset that you can be; instead, for all of Coulson's flowery prose about the human factor and the shiny happy people, they've stuck you into a brig and abandoned you there, save for an occasional information probing." A breath. "At least when I was undercover at Whitehall's, this sort of approach led to compliance that led to rewards – sort of. Here, it is just hypocrisy, but I am okay with it. Mind you, all of Coulson's flowery speeches have so far led only to captain Gonzales being killed, while he is still singing songs, the same as always."

"That's a lie," Melinda May says quietly. "Phil Coulson is no hypocrite, he really believes," her face shifts, and Bobbi feels that not even the Cavalry believes in Coulson anymore, she is sure.

"Well, as Ward over there can show, Coulson can really _choose_ just into whom he believes," she says acidly. "Bully for him – at least in Hydra _compliance_ was _rewarded_. And in S.H.I.E.L.D. we can do one better – we do not need _compliance_ , we seek _cooperation_. Call this number within a week – we would have taken you straight there, but you and Lance just seem to rub each other wrong, and you're resourceful, so you'll figure it out."

Ward doesn't break into gratitude, he just takes the instructions with a stony face, but silence is the sign of an agreement, right?

"Oh, and take Ms. May back home," Bobbi continues to strike the iron while it is hot. She tried to be friends with the older woman, she really tried, but after May punched her? They are done. "Dr. Garner is worried about her. He and agent Alexandra are largely done with each other, and she is going to be replaced with an agent who can act professionally and not like a jealous woman." A pause. "So, agent Ms. May, you can now safely go home and finish writing your retirement papers or whatever, S.H.I.E.L.D. won't bother you again, and since you've been so _good_ at playing the jealous civilian wife those last few days? I am guessing you will not bother S.H.I.E.L.D. either. Am I right?"

Without further ado, the older woman turns around and walks out of the cemetery, quietly. Grant Ward follows her, also without saying anything. "This could not've done better if we got him to come with us promptly," Bobbi mutters to the still paralyzed Lance," but the two of you just don't get along, and he had stopped killing people, nor is he stupid, so he should handle the high-and-mighty Cavalry just fine, right?"

Lance says nothing.

/

 **Ward**

Once they are out of sight of Hunter and Morse (but primarily Morse), Ward turns to his companion. "What was that all about?" he asks. "I'm not talking about Morse, but about you and Coulson-"

May explains.

"I see," Ward continues even quieter. "So what will you do now?"

"I don't know," May admits. "Morse _doesn't_ speak for S.H.I.E.L.D., no matter what she thinks, but truth is? While I am loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. is S.H.I.E.L.D. loyal to me? And that's without taking Phil Coulson into the equation..."

"I don't know what to say," Grant confesses. "As Kara Lynn has showed me, I am not as smart as I thought I was, nor am I as good at helping people either, but still. You helped me after the berserker staff incident...for example, so how do I get closure with you?"

"You already did, by introducing me to Kara Lynn," May's own smile is bitter. "I have misjudged her – she really does help other people to understand what, or who, they are. In my case? I was an idealist – I believe, I _believed_ in Coulson's dream-"

"And then I fucked it up," Grant says quietly.

"Yes you did – but it is not your fault alone," Melinda shakes her head. "We've given up on it much too easily, much too soon, and all that we've got left are some frayed bonds of friendship and _almost_ family left, and they're fading fast, and soon they'll be gone, and S.H.I.E.L.D. will be where it had started, save for Hydra."

"No, not really," Grant shakes his head. "I've been keeping an eye on S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel – I know at least one person there who worked with Garrett for Hydra – or at least for Whitehall, and I'm not talking about Morse. She was probably honestly undercover there, though I'm surprised that she has continued to play good cop after my showdown with Asshat back there."

Melinda blinks. "Hydra is in S.H.I.E.L.D. still?" she asks.

"Are you honestly surprised, _Black Mantis_?" Grant speaks sarcastically to his interlocutrix. "I told you that _I_ have information sources there, just not close to Coulson, and I am _not_ Hydra – and never will be. Kara Lynn would not want that."

"Will you spend the rest of your life based on Kara Lynn's would-be judgement?" Melinda asks tartly.

"Maybe. Will you spend the rest of your life based on Coulson's?"

"...That's an unfair comparison. Besides, I _am_ loyal to  S.H.I.E.L.D., not to Phil-"

"So what's the problem? Work there, at least for a while, and if it does not work out, we can try something else. Maybe we can start a detective agency – _We Help the Helpless_. You can be the detective, me – the sexy secretary-" and Melinda finally cracks a smile:

"That would be nice – and you do make sense, which is just another sign that the world has gone insane," she admits. "And you know – you might be onto something with that closure thing of yours. So, here's how it is going to go." She pauses and adds, almost meekly (for her): "If you're still interested, this is."

"I am," Grant nodded, feeling almost happy for the first time, ever since Kara Lynn died. "I...I don't want to be alone anymore, I may be self-sufficient, but that is not enough. I want...I want to be a human. I want – to help. Can I help you, agent Melinda May, Cavalry-"

"Stop, you're making me blush," Melinda said, but without any bite behind it. "Here, how is it going to go. You are going to work for Morse and Hunter and their group of morally adaptable agents of – whatever they are supposed to be. They think that they're the true S.H.I.E.L.D., but their methods...they aren't ours." She pauses and looks at him. "Are they yours, Grant Ward? I cannot offer you anything as grand as what Morse had offered-"

"You'll be in my corner – that'll be enough for me," Grant says, half-chuckling and half-sad. "Am I to understand that I'm to be your agent?"

"Yes, and I'll be yours," Melinda nods, startling Grant. "I'll be in your corner, you'll be in mine, and if things go really wrong, we can start a detective agency, remember?" He stretches out her hand. "Shake on it, partner?"

"Yes – partner," and Grant shook her hand.

And then he drove her to Coulson and S.H.I.E.L.D.'s secret base (of the month).

 _TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

**Part III**

 _Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, but belong to Marvel™._

 **May and Coulson**

Melinda had honestly never realized this before, but returning to the (current) HQ of S.H.I.E.L.D. is like coming home, pure and simple. Yes, it is not much to look at; yes, the people can be less than friendly and more than just painful, but that is what it feels like – home. There is an energy here that just fills her up and makes her feel tingly – in a good way, _not_ in a sexual way, and she won't admit this to anyone, not even to Phil Coulson!..

...Phil Coulson. Now there is a sobering thought, or rather – a sobering association with his name that Melinda never expected to feel, not even after Bahrain, when she had been abandoned and neglected, and the only one who saw an opportunity was John Garrett...and his Hydra superiors (read: Whitehall), even then Coulson had been...special. And now that is gone, and while some of the fault does fall onto the shoulders of Grant Ward, an equal share falls onto their shoulders as well. Ah well, a woman's got to do what a woman has to do – and with these thoughts Melinda knocks onto Coulson's office door.

"Come in," the latter calls from the inside, and Melinda goes in.

/

...Phil Coulson had not changed much since the fiasco with the Inhumans...save that he only got one arm now left. That does not make him look diminished, but that does make him look more vulnerable, especially behind his new big desk, and Melinda – though she would never admit it – thinks that it makes him look adorable – but she never says it. What she says instead, when she approaches him, is her trademark and simple:

"Hello, sir, I'm back for duty."

Coulson looks back at her, his own facial expression carefully schooled and enigmatic. "Hello to you too, agent May. How was your vacation with Andrew?"

There probably is not a trap, but Melinda still thinks over her answer before answering. "It was an eye-opener for me, sir – I better understand now who I am and that my loyalties lie with S.H.I.E.L.D., here."

Coulson's face does not really change. "Andrew had called; he was worried that you left-"

"I will call him," Melinda does not back down or blink. "I will talk to him and we will clear the air between us at last."

"He is a good man-"

"Yes sir, but he is not _my_ man." Seeing that her interlocutor's face has finally with something suspiciously like shock, Melinda amended hastily: "Or rather he is not the man for me, if this makes things clearer."

There is a longer, more thoughtful pause, but Melinda can handle this sort of thing, and just waits there and waits some more. Phil Coulson is the director – or at least the _acting_ director – of S.H.I.E.L.D. for a reason, but Melinda always did play silly buggers better than even he did.

"Andrew is a good person," Coulson speaks up after a pause. "He's also an ally of S.H.I.E.L.D., and after recent events he's been growing closer to us."

Melinda waits for him to finish. "This is good, sir," she says then. "I, too, am loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. and have made my peace with Andrew working for it."

"Have you?" Coulson now finally confronts his best friend and partner. "And are you? I have received reports about you staying with Andrew – before you just up and left him. You have been noticeably upset and unhappy about him being involved with us, and have shown little interest in what our agents' are- were- working with him out there. On the other hand, you certainly appeared to enjoy being a high-maintenance doctor's wife and a civilian to boot." A pause. "Look. This is no treason to S.H.I.E.L.D., I agree. You are not betraying us, you just – want to quit. You are not the first. You are not the last – I've been sort of expecting this ever since the mess with the Inhumans and Skye in Afterlife-"

"How is she?" Melinda interjects before she says something that she really regrets.

"Fine," Coulson says mechanically, before admitting the truth. "Or not. There is some sort of an alien flu going around the settlement – I talked to Fitz, he says he has an idea about it...I think...ever since Jemma was lost in Gonzales' 0-8-4, he's been acting erratically once more..." he shook his head. "This isn't the point. You opted to retire at last – fair enough. Why don't you go and make your peace with Andrew while I do the paperwork-"

"What are you on?" Melinda spoke, sounding more cure than even her usual. "Why does everyone assume that I am just going to retire?" (Only Grant Ward had not, she wanted to add, but she did not – this was not the time, or place, or person.) "Have you spoken to agent Alexandra – or to Hunter and Morse?"

"To agent Alexandra – and to her SO slash handler," Coulson admitted. "To Hunter and Morse – not so much. Ever since the whole mess with Cal, and Ward, and Palomas, they prefer to spend time with Mack, not here, with us." A pause. "Anyways, Melinda, let's be honest here – what do you want and why are you here?"

"Let's start with the obvious – I am here because this is where I should be," Melinda shakes her head. "I am loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. – and I was loyal to **you**."

"To me?"Coulson stared.

"Yes, Phil," Melinda replied, with a genuine sadness in her voice. "Ever since we met after the Academy, I loved you, from your toes to the tips of your ears and nose. You're the most handsome man I've met."

Phil Coulson began to slowly turn red in a very Leo-Fitz-like manner. It is quite cute, as far as Melinda thinks, but she does not stop there. She cannot.

"But you don't love me," Melinda continued, deciding to go for broke. "I'm just not your type. I'm not surprised – back in the Academy I was voted the ugliest girl there plenty of times – my body is okay, but my face is so flat, that if it was ever more flatter, it'd be featureless-"

"I never knew that," Coulson muttered.

"I should hope not! Even now, under agent Weaver, male and female Academy students are segregated to at least some extent, in the dorms, and back then, when _we_ were young, it was much more severe. Phil, the boys did not vote me the ugliest back then – the other girls did. And this brings us to this day and age."

"Melinda, what do you want?" Coulson says, wary now, rather than weary.

"I am loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D.," Melinda replies, aware that it sounds rather like a mantra than anything else. "I was loyal to you, and for a while, before the whole Hydra disaster, I thought that my feelings were reciprocated. Ever since the events in Sokovia and beyond, I was proven wrong. So, I will work here for now, for at least one big case, and then we will see. Maybe I will retire, as everyone apparently thinks I should, you know?"

"Black Mantis," Coulson says quietly, half-wary and half-weary.

If Melinda has heard these words for the _first time_ after all these years, her reaction would have been unpredictable (as Bobbi Morse back in the cemetery had found out). But it is not; Grant Ward had sprung it already, so all that Melinda does is raise an eyebrow and ask:

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry," Coulson looks abashed a bit. "It's just that there are other rumors about you; I'm sorry. Melinda, I ask again – what do you want, specifically?"

"I told you - I will work here for now, for at least one big case, and here, perhaps, is the case." Melinda puts down and opens the folder that she had been holding all this time. "I believe you know Doctor Gayle? She is the closest thing that S.H.I.E.L.D. has for a therapist now? She was also John Garrett's girlfriend, so excuse me for doubting that she's a genuine fan of S.H.I.E.L.D."

Coulson looked as if he was hit by Ward, or perhaps Mack, in some place where it hurt – his face was flushed, almost solid. Then again, the materials that Grant helped Melinda to acquire on their way to here were quite damning and solid: Grant may still have many issues, but he was becoming not just a field specialist, but an information broker too – if he had the heart for it.

"Phil – I mean director Coulson, are you okay?" Melinda asked gently (for her).

"Melinda, agent May, I could ask you the same question. If you are you, why are you mocking me? You're you, you got Andrew, who is a good and intelligent man, looking out for you, and here you are, mocking me with – with that," Coulson's voice shook, which was something that never really happened. (Unless Skye was hurt, of course.) "May, you're amazing, and I tend to be a funny little man who's got the job of the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. only because Hill and Fury have some problems with each other and would have rather _me_ doing it than either of them-"

"Phil, have you been talking to this Gayle woman?" Melinda said curtly.

"...No. She still isn't exactly in S.H.I.E.L.D.," Coulson admitted. "But don't try to distract me-"

"Phil, I meant what I said, about you and anything else," Melinda said firmly. "I am loyal for S.H.I.E.L.D.; I will work for S.H.I.E.L.D. for the next while at least, but _you and me? We_ are done. Next time you want to talk to me? Talk officially – that is all that we have left. Good luck director Coulson, and yes, I did love you, and I have never mocked you about anything. Ever."

And she was gone – out of Coulson's office at the very least.

"Well, that was," Coulson said to an empty space and received no reply, as expected, for words have failed him for once.

/

 **Ward**

(Few days later)

"Ward," Mack's voice was not very friendly, but neither was it actually unfriendly – more like gruff and guarded. "You're here. I didn't – we weren't sure that you'd come."

"Then why did you make the offer?" Grant replied, eyeing the other man warily – but not with the sort of a look that made other people think that he had just finished measuring them for a coffin or a casket.

"Everyone deserves a chance, and the way Coulson and his posse have treated you, have earned you yours," Mack shrugged. "Look, make no mistake, I _like_ Coulson, he is a good man, maybe better than we are, but as an S.H.I.E.L.D. agent? He should have never been made director or even acting director. I may be more of an engineer, and Coulson – he is a functionary, a bureaucrat, a born subordinate – not a leader! The fact that he is a good man and agent only makes it worse. This job will eat him alive – and S.H.I.E.L.D. with it, especially since Fury and Hill have their own problems, it seems."

Grant shakes his head. He does not want to defend Coulson. He does not want to argue with Mack. He honestly does not want to go back into the darkness and loneliness. He is not a coward. He may back down. He may fall. But he always gets back up, always gets onto his feet, and then, frankly, he stops being _nice_. (Even by his standards.)

"Then let's stop badmouthing the acting director behind his back?" he says mildly, while giving Mack one of his typical stone looks. "I was evil, but not that sort of evil, you know?"

For few brief moments, Mack and Grant eye each other across the room. Both of them are big men, Mack can give Grant a run for his money in size and sheer strength. Back in Hell that was labelled 'military school' Grant developed a predisposition for taking such people down, and during his work for Garrett and co. (S.H.I.E.L.D., Hydra, etc) it was one of the few things that made him happy (in a bad, dirty way, but still).

Yet Mack is no threat, no rival, but a key to an opportunity at the very least, and so this time Grant tries his best to appear non-confrontational, while not really submissive either. He had been submissive to Garrett. This will not happen again – not in a hurry.

Yet surprisingly something almost like a small smile appears briefly in Mack's beard and vanishes. "Never liked that sort of thing myself," he nods in almost an approval. "Of course the same goes for evil."

Grant nods and there is a silence, not so much uncomfortable as awkward as the pair realizes that they do not have anything in common, not really.

"So, how does this outfit of yours work?" Grant asks, almost desperately, but it seems that he is on a roll in a good luck sort of way (maybe it's time for all of his old bad karma to be balanced by some good one at last?), because Mack warms up and begins to explain that yes, they're part of S.H.I.E.L.D., but no, they got some distance from Coulson, because that man and they don't really work, and that they're more of a strike force than anything else, which is why they decided to get Grant involved, and Grant is listening carefully, for no, this isn't his old team, but he had blown any chances he had with them ever since he had sided with Garrett, so this is what he _can_ get, even after all the shit that he had done (and had been done to him), and he wants to take it.

Plus there is the arrangement with Melinda in the back. Melinda was nowhere ready to be retired into a fairy tale story for younger female agents, and she wants Grant to help her to achieve that. Grant is not the smartest man around, but he wants to help and he likes to help, and so, here he is...

"We got a bit of a situation, Mack," Hunter comments, as he enters the office, trailed by Morse. Grant's face is still stony and neutral, for he is quite confident that Hunter does not like him, (to put it mildly), while Morse... he does not like Morse. Morse's conscience appears to have the consistency of rubber or wet clay, something that he never got the hang of, no matter how much Garrett tried to teach him. (By beatings, but that is not beside the point.) "Oh, and he's here too. Why am I not surprised?"

"Because he didn't kill you," Morse speaks from behind her man, and it seems to Ward that the two of them had had this sort of conversation before. "Twice you tried to provoke him, and both times you walked away. Well, the second time I carried you away, but still, considering the sort of a reputation that Grant here has, this counts. A lot." She gives Grant a smile, maybe it is supposed to be friendly, but it is rather pale for that and fades quickly. "You're not going to let it go easy, will you? Your involvement with Kara Lynn-"

"Morse," Grant says quietly. "I'm truly grateful for you giving me this chance and I will try my best not to make you regret it, for I need it, and you do not. But as for Kara Lynn? She used to wake me some times by sucking on my nipple and saying 'Bobbi', and believe, _those_ times _were not_ nightmares. So let us not talk about her and involvement, _please_. No one here will enjoy it."

There is a pause as Morse stares at him while visibly wilting at the same time; her damn stone face cracks (been there, done that), and she just goes to a sofa and sits down there, quietly.

Grant does not feel proud at all; rather, he almost feels like copying the blonde woman, but he does not – he just sits down onto a nearby chair himself and keeps quiet.

"Well, isn't this a load of laughs," Hunter mutters as he looks between the two of them. "Looks like Kara Lynn had gotten you both!"

"Hunter," Mack said wearily. "Please stop. This is the sort of attitude that caused Turbo – Fitz – to actually punch you. Considering that until then he was actually feeling friendly towards you that is saying something."

"He punched you?" Grant blinked.

"I compared a 0-8-4 that had eaten Jemma Simmons to you," Hunter confessed, unhappily as he passed an open folder to Mack. "Yeah, not my best joke, I admit. Anyways, can we get back to the issue at hand? There's a prison riot, there are hostages, there's a need for S.H.I.E.L.D., or rather, for us-"

"Oh, I know her," Grant pointed out at one photo. "She was the girlfriend of my SO. I do not know if she's Hydra, for my SO was not really Hydra, just – himself, but I doubt that she has any fondness for S.H.I.E.L.D. in any case."

There was a pause as the others looked at the photo of Dr. Jean Gayle. "You sure?" Hunter said quietly.

"I know that she was the last, if not the only woman, John Garrett got involved with. I did not hear of her being involved with any men other than him. I do not bet that she is with Hydra – I just do not think that she is a friend of S.H.I.E.L.D., that is all," Grant finished patiently. "Some caution in handling her could be useful, see?"

"Well son-of-the-bitch," Mack muttered in reply. "Good thing that we're going with my plan of utilizing a mass knock-out gas attack instead." He shoots a look at Grant. "Unless you can offer something better?"

"Not that," Grant shook his head. "I was just curious if you're going to mend bridges with Fitz first – you'll need his skills in order to connect the canisters with the jail structure-"

"Hey!" Mack said in indignation, but not the sort of indignation that Grant was used to. "Turbo _is_ great and all, but I can do that sort of thing myself! I haven't been the head engineer of the _Iliad_ for nothing, you know!"

"...I remember the _Iliad_ ," Grant said thoughtfully. "It was one of the aviation platforms for the Wakanda operation. Good times, these were..."

"...You were a part of it? I'm not surprised," it was Mack's turn to grow thoughtful. "We did go over your record in S.H.I.E.L.D. – it was very impressive, before... where did it go wrong?"

"It was probably wrong from the start," came the reply. "John was the only reason that S.H.I.E.L.D. and I had crossed paths; I owed him everything, _everything_. Maybe if I was a different person, then things would've been different, but _I_ am not like that." He wanted to add 'sorry' but after Morse he did not really like to use this word, especially not around her.

"Ever read Dante's _Divine Comedy_?" Bobbi Morse spoke up suddenly.

"Isn't it some sort of an anime?" Grant gave her a look with a slight curve on the lip to indicate that he was trying to break the tension – sort of, at least. "I'm not a big fan of that genre..."

"...And that's how you actually make a joke," Mack told Hunter, who was sort of twitching at the sight of this. "You actually try to go for silly, rather than for outright stupid. And Grant? The point here – _Divine Comedy_ has plenty of points – is that even a sinner can repent until they breathe their last, for you see, while a person lives, they always change. Dead people don't – hence another reason why we've decided to give you one last chance to be a good man – and so far you've taken it, we believe."

"Thank you. And if we're talking afterlife here, then I am – I believe in reincarnation," came the reply from Grant. "In a Hinduism sort of way, you know?"

"Fascinating," Lance interrupted the discussion, "but can we get back to the emergency at hand?"

"Yes, let's," Mack admitted with some effort. "Let's go, folks and save some people!"

And that was what they did.

End


End file.
